shi to sono yume -- death and the dream
by miriya v
Summary: [1.31.02 -- Act 2 uploaded] Tidus wants to get inside Auron's barriers...but sometimes, things are better left alone. Contains seinen-ai and spoilers.
1. maku ichi - mori

shi to sono yume -- death and the dream 

  
  
  
  
Thank you, evil muses. -_-;; *glares* Thank you, evil plot bunnies o' incoherency. -_-;; *glares again* Thanks to those two overwhelming forces, this fic won't get out of my head. *sighs tragically and gets ready to rack brains* Excuse the Ani Difranco-induced madness -- but Reckoning is just a mesmerizing CD, and gives me so many ideas... =^_^=   
  
And damn you, Matt. Damn you to hell. May you be dumped upon by a big bloated shoopuf. Thanks to that little conversation after the glorious FFX FMV theatre, I can't get the image of the 'back-seat porn-star Auron' pose out of my mind. I'm forever scarred. -_-;;   
  
Random Thoughts: Is it just me, or is Auron the toughest-looking uke ever? And Tidus is Gackt. e.e I think Squaresoft needs to design a character after Seki Tomokazu. /He's/ _kawaii, ne?_   
  
Warnings: Hrm. Usual caveat applies. Some spoilers ahoy, but they'll probably only be spoilers for up to the er...meeting with Yunalesca-sama. A little shonen-ai-ish goodness (read -- boy love), too. Tame stuff for the masses, ne? Sappishness, too, though it'll hopefully be in-character. Not much else? (wow...) Also, I'm praying that my japanese is correct in the title...kick me and tell me if it's wrong, ne?   
  
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer. Squaresoft owns FFX and all characters/places/etc within. I own my madness, and I'm much more willing to share than they are, I'm sure. I don't get paid for it.   
  
  
  
With that said, I present my first FFX fic.   
  
  
_Why don't you ever tell me anything?_   
  
_shi to sono yume_ [death and the dream]  
a Final Fantasy X fanfic by miriya valentine   
  
  
---   
  
_...who are you now  
and who were you then  
that you thought somehow  
you could just pretend  
that you could figure it all out...  
-- ani difranco, So What_   
  
---   
  
There was nothing but silence and almost pure darkness surrounding Tidus as he left the campsite.   
  
Sitting by the dying fire, he'd watched as each person slipped off to bed, save for one -- the solemn man that slipped off into the forest, towards the temple. He watched him leave, wondering where he was going at this time of night, but knowing that it was futile to ask. His questions were seldom answered, anyway. There was no 'I'll be back soon'...just a quiet, indecipherable sigh, and the rhythmic pat of a tokkuri bumping against a thigh -- a quiet sound quickly swallowed by the forest.   
  
Tidus had waited, feeling the minutes pass like hours, gazing into the coals until they faded to darkness, too. And then he followed, slipping from the protective ring of tents into the dark woods.   
  
He didn't feel the cold. There was no place in his mind to consider the point that it might be cold -- it was all focused on one man. /Him/. The one who always lectured him about going out alone into places like this after dark, especially with no one to accompany him. //You've broken your own rules, old man. Even though you can fight better than all of us together, anyway...//   
  
Cold and quiet and dark...and almost alien. Tidus shivered once, and squinted, trying to find the narrow pathway by cloud-muted moonlight. He remembered that it was near the water's edge, so he listened to the sound of the river, following the rushing sound like a beacon, praying that no stray fiends found him. It wasn't that he couldn't take care of them by himself...but he felt drained by the latest slew of events.   
  
Why Auron had insisted on returning to Kilika, he didn't know. But the man was adamant, and Yuna had acquiesced to 'sir Auron' with no argument, whatsoever.   
  
In a way, Tidus was glad. Despite the fact that Sin was still out there, lurking in that vast expanse of ocean...they were here, and not on their way to Gagazet. It gave him more time.   
  
He pushed /those/ thoughts from his mind, and continued forward, following the water towards the temple. Absently, he wondered why he was following -- what did he have to say? Are you okay? A question like that was never answered...expression was the only hint, and if Tidus hadn't known Auron as long as he had, understanding that would be impossible, too.   
  
The endless stone stairway of the Kilika temple rose before him like a mountain. Tidus took the steps two at a time, the energy of youth and training leaving him barely winded by the time he reached the half-way point -- a huge look-out point where he could see everything; the dark mass of forest, a few dull lights from the remains of Kilika village, and beyond that, the open night-mirror of ocean. Broken stone tiles were scattered across the platform, and Tidus had to be careful -- it would be too embarassing for someone to find him lying there in the morning with a sprained ankle.   
  
The clouds broke, and he was suddenly washed in pale moonlight. From where he stood, the temple seemed much closer -- he continued on. Up and up and up...he lost track of the number of stairs he passed, thinking back on the last few weeks. Not too long ago, he'd been nothing more than a happy, care-free teenager with a talent for blitzball, content to spend his days entertaining the fans and practicing for the next game...knowing that he'd come home and find Auron there. It was routine, and it was comforting. Life was easy.   
  
And then came Sin, and all hell broke loose. Everything, /everything/ he'd known had been taken and turned upside down. Auron was gone. Everyone he met thought him mad, and every time he thought he'd have a little peace, Sin would be there to take that from him. He'd played the sick lunatic, explaining his woeful lack of knowledge with the simple excuse -- Sin had done it.   
  
He met Yuna, the strange summoner girl who had believed his fantastic tale of the Zanarkand he'd known...not the ages-old ruins of the present. Even that wasn't enough. She'd even said she'd known his father...but even then, the man she described was not the father he'd spent a lifetime hating. The man she described couldn't have been his father. But...it had been something to cling to, something remotely familar that would comfort him.   
  
Then he'd found Auron again. But something about him...it had changed. If he'd been reserved before, he was almost impentrable now, hiding behind layers and layers that Tidus couldn't even begin to peel through. He wondered what had happened during the course of their seperation to cause such a metamorphosis in the man.   
  
/Is that what I'm looking for?/ Tidus whispered to the sky, even though he knew an answer was impossible.   
  
The only answer was within.   
  
By night, the wide circle of blue stone in the middle of the temple courtyard was like a reflection of the moon, the entire area an echo of the night sky so far above. It made him feel small and humble, but strangely at peace, as if letting him know he was part of something much larger. For a moment, he forgot why he'd come, and silently marveled at the place he stood, letting the tranquility fill him in waves. It gave him strength.   
  
Tidus walked over the blue stone softly, as if his meager weight might crush it, and ascended the final flight of stairs, stopping at the open doors to the temple. What would he find inside? He felt almost silly at the anticipation he was feeling -- what was there that could happen? What was he expecting to find? He cocked his head, listening to the faint sound of the fayth-hymn drifting from the inner sanctum as a thousand tiny dramas coursed through his mind, livid half-fantasies -- brilliant star-points of thought that died almost before they were even born. He pushed their remnants away, and stepped inside.   
  
Anemic torch-light flickered, a dance of shadow and light played over the hall's floor and the hymn was impossibly louder. It resonated in his mind, a slow, languid melody to accompany the stacatto pounding of his heart. Stale, cool air brushed against his skin, and for a moment he could not breathe. Everything seemed almost surreal; the light and darkness, song and sensation -- he searched desperately for something he could claim as familiar.   
  
It knelt before a familiar statue near the stairway that led to the Cloister, head bowed, one hand pressed to the cool stone floor, the other hanging limply at his side, almost lost in the folds of a scarlet kimono-like robe. For some reason, he knew he'd find Auron here -- _he knew it in the way that one knows the sun will always rise after the long night _-- and he wondered why.   
  
The man didn't move from his almost prostrate position; Tidus supposed he didn't know he was here. Or maybe Auron was just too lost in thought, immersed in the memories of a decade ago. Tidus knew that Auron had been a guardian for the summoner Braska in that time, a companion to his own father. And though Auron never spoke of it, he knew that something haunted him. Maybe it was something to do with Tidus' father...but he could never be sure. With Auron -- he could never be sure.   
  
He walked slowly, silently, towards Auron, and heard the faint sound of the man's whisper rising every once in a while over the hymn. Was it a prayer? Somehow...he didn't think so. Sadness -- loss -- hung in the air, as tangible as the guardian before him. It made Tidus hurt too, just to feel it, and he recognized it as deep pain -- a soul hurt, one that might scab over but would never truly heal, much less fade.   
  
In that moment, he gained just a bit more insight into Auron's soul, and it left him feeling almost broken. His heart screamed for him to provide any sort of comfort he could, but he was wary -- one wrong move could destroy everything.   
  
Tidus took a few steps forward, until he was less than ten feet from Auron's back. He paused, as if considering his next move -- and in that moment of hesitation, Auron raised his head. "I thought I told you not to go wandering out alone."   
  
Tidus jumped in surprise, and suddenly felt himself flush all over, as if he'd just walked in on something terribly personal and intimate. Had he? "I was worried about you."   
  
There was a long, drawn-out sigh; one which made Tidus feel ten years old all over again. "There is nothing for you to be woried about. You could have been attacked out there, and there would have been no one around to hear you call for help."   
  
The embarrassment was quickly replaced by anger. "Stop underestimating me, Auron -- I can take care of a few fiends on my own."   
  
"Hn."   
  
Silence stretched out over them like a wet wool blanket, suffocating Tidus. He searched for something to break it, and came up with both hands empty.   
  
So he sat down beside Auron, ignoring the freezing cold of the stone against his bare legs.   
  
"Why Kilika?" Tidus looked up at the statue, and the reserved expression on the stone-carved summoner's face. "We were real close to Beville, and I've seen the same one there." He watched as Auron lifted his head, his living eye resting on the granite folds of Braska's robe.   
  
"I was born here." He said, as if that answered everything.   
  
"I didn't know that." Tidus admitted honestly, surprised.   
  
"I never told you."   
  
Tidus snorted, sounding even a little bitter even to himself. "Big surprise, that one. You never tell me anything."   
  
Beside him, Auron shifted, like he was drawing inside himself. Tidus imagined he could almost see the older man erect more walls and barriers around himself; more shields to be scaled to see the person hidden away inside. //You're always hiding so much from me...I'm not your enemy, you know.//   
  
When Auron had made it suitably clear he wasn't speaking anymore, Tidus gingerly pressed forward. "Are you angry with me?"   
  
"Being angry wouldn't help, would it?"   
  
Tidus let out a low growl of frustration, jerking his head around to face Auron. "Dammit, Auron, what's with you lately? You're acting just like some stupid machina -- like there's nothing inside you that's wrong. I know you don't talk a lot, but now that you're back here in Spira, you won't hardly say a word unless forced to -- God! I just want to..." He pressed his face into his hands, trying to wring the building anger from himself, clinging to his last remnants of patience.   
  
He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before lowering his hands. "I...I just want to know what's wrong, Auron. I think I deserve that much from you. Between trying to figure out what the hell is going on, and trying to find a way back to Zanarkand...I just think I deserve that much from you. I'm so confused..." His head bowed; suddenly he felt the full brunt of the last few weeks, and once the adrenaline of his anger passed he realized he was utterly exhausted. "I'm just caught up in all these things that I don't have any control over...you're the only thing I know, here...ya know? I'm not trying to pry into your personal life or anything...but I'm worried."   
  
Auron finally turned his head to look at Tidus -- deep creases gathered at the edge of his eye, the expression pulling on skin, wrinkling the long scar on the blind side of his face as he squinted at the boy sitting beside him. It had taken a lot from Tidus to say all that, and Auron supposed he should at least feel a bit repentant. In his own way, Tidus was trying to look out for the one who'd been, in essence, looking out for /him/ for the last decade.   
  
He echoed the boy's question back to him. "...Are you angry with me?"   
  
Tidus sighed. "Yeah...a little, I guess. But it's not that, really -- I just want to know why you're alienating yourself like this. It's kinda hard, ya know? And it's not just me. Everyone notices. And it's making everyone feel uneasy. You've done this before...and I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're all relying on you. Don't hide away from us...please."   
  
The older man looked like he was going to say something, but Tidus shook his head. "That's not the reason why I came here tonight, though. I know you're feeling down, and I want to help. I hate it when you look like you do right now."   
  
Auron thought about that for a minute, then turned away, his half-gaze returning to the statue before them. He took a deep breath. "I just came here to think -- despite what you may think, I'm fine."   
  
Tidus studied Auron, taking in the hard eye hidden behind dark glasses, the streaks of steely grey at his temples and crown; a color that had undoubtedly come from stress -- too much stress for a thirty-something man to have been through, warrior or not. He remembered the first time he'd seen Auron, back in Zanarkand -- those grey streaks were just beginning to form. //How many of those did I cause, old man?// Without the high collar that the man usually wore, Tidus could see the creases at the sides of his mouth, lines that shifted depth as the torchlight flickered and tossed shadow over them.   
  
"If you say so...I believe you." Truthfully, he didn't, but like he'd heard so many times -- there was no sense in kicking a deflated blitzball. If the man wanted to tell him, he would. Hopefully.   
  
The silence stretched out between them again, but it wasn't nearly as devastating this time around. Tidus supposed the conversation was over...but he didn't want to leave. Being here, in the temple, next to Auron was...comforting. The older guardian was a rock, a fortress of strength that Tidus knew was stable enough not to break, much less bend. He gladly sheltered himself in the leeway, hiding from the chaos his life had become...   
  
Even for just a little while.   
  
Again, Auron shifted, and Tidus drew himself out from his musings.   
  
"It isn't right." Auron said after a pause.   
  
Tidus was confused. "What?"   
  
Auron looked up at the granite statue, his features softening, just a little. "The statue...it's wrong. He was never so cold and aloof." He snorted quietly, shaking his head. "Braska wanted to be everyone's friend."   
  
It was the closest thing to spontaneous conversation Tidus had heard from Auron for as long as he could recall. Things were starting to look up. "He sounded like a good person," Tidus said. "From what I saw in those spheres...he seemed like someone I'd like to know."   
  
"You would have liked him. He would have liked you."   
  
Tidus laughed. "Of course. He liked everyone, ne?"   
  
Auron looked at him. "That's not what I meant."   
  
"I'm kidding, Auron."   
  
"Mm."   
  
Tidus felt the beginnings of a cramp creeping into his leg, and turned to the other side. His bare leg brushed against Auron's arm, and he shivered at how cold the man's skin was. "Auron...you're freezing cold," he said softly, reaching out one hand to touch frigid skin again.   
  
He had no idea why Auron found that so funny; but the older man's laughter echoed off the temple walls, deep and resonant.   
  
"What's so funny?"   
  
Auron shook his head. "Nothing. You wouldn't understand."   
  
Tidus let out another near-howl of frustration. Auron was back to being his usual self, confident in the fact that he was the only one worthy of knowing anything. "Dammit, Auron, stop treating me like I'm still a child. I'm not a kid anymore."   
  
He felt the heavy half-gaze the man turned on him like a solid weight, and silently marveled at how almost an hour's work had been undone with one comment. He almost expected to hear some cryptic or cynical reply, but strangely, there was none. Auron simply watched him, before his eye dropped to the hand that still rested against his arm.   
  
"Yeah...I guess you're not." Auron pulled away, and Tidus mirrored the movement. "We should be getting back to the campsite. It'll be dawn in a few hours, and we need all the rest we can get. It's a long road to Zanarkand." He stood up, rearranging his robe to its usual position, holding out a hand to help Tidus up. The boy gratefully accepted, pulling himself up and stretching. Auron had already started towards the temple doors, and Tidus had to jog to catch up.   
  
"So..." Tidus began, "are you feeling any better? Seeing any clearer?"   
  
"Yeah." Auron's voice was low. "I suppose you could say I am."   
  
Tidus didn't bother to hide his smile.   
  
  
  
Outside, the clouds had taken over the sky once again, but to Tidus it seemed so much brighter than it had been all night.   
  
---   
  
1.30. 02 -- AN: Dammit, about time I finished. e.e Thoughts, anyone? Should I continue, or are you going to chase me back into the Kenshin fandom? I hope everything was in character...I know there's very, very little action in this installment, but I'm planning a bit more, and it'll pick up. Really. I'm still all about Jecht/Braska/Auron (Or Jeskaron, since SOMEONE's bound to come up with a silly little moniker for it sometime or the other...e.e), but I see Tidus as being a bit of a dependent person, especially towards the beginning of the game. And really, why shouldn't he be? I'd be clinging to any and all things familiar if /I/ were in his position... I just keep trying to figure out who'd be seme in the Tidus-Auron relationship. By all means, Auron seems like the best bet, but for some reason I have a lot of trouble seeing him initiate anything, much less take the dominant role. Too uke, I guess. *laughs*   
  
And, um...geez. I wonder why Auron was laughing when Tidus said he was cold? *found that sadly humorous, and had to put it in there* Kill me.   
  
With that said, I need SLEEP... thank god for my 2 days off of work. ^__________^ I'll be damned if I don't need them. ^^;;   
  
-miri-chan 


	2. maku ni - aika

shi to sono yume; maku ni -- aika 

  
  
  
  
Here we are. Part 2 of my first FFX fic, shi to sono yume. Still along with the ride?   
  
Good.   
  
This one is going to be a lot of conversing after the battle with Yunalesca...and also some...revelations. Blame this chapter on Ani Difranco AND Tori Amos. There's also a gratuitous re-write of the events leading to, and right after, that big battle. Forgive me, ne? I tried to make it a bit more 'realistic'...at least for the FFX world. And being the baka that I am, I'm bound to make mistakes.   
  
Warning: Spoilers. Boy-likes-boy-and-may-act-on-it. Angst. But that's good stuff. Still pretty mild, especially for MY work, but I just wanna let you know. I also changed a few things, though I'd like to think it's still pretty canon.   
  
Give me a break, ne? I wrote about 90% of it with no sleep in 24 hours. Okay. I wrote the whole thing with no sleep in over 24 hours. But it wouldn't get out of my head.   
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Dammit. I'm making no money, so leave me alone.   
  
Lovin' to: Everyone who commented here and at FF.net -- you guys keep me going, you really do. And with that, here's the damn fic.   
  
  
  
_ Why does it beat..?   
  
shi to sono yume - aika  
_ [death and the dream - sad song]  
a final fantasy X fanfic by miriya valentine  
  
  
---   
  
_ ...I do not want to know you this way  
surrounded by so much pain  
but how am i supposed to let go of you this way  
like a bird into the sky of my brain?  
-- ani difranco, rock-paper-scissors_   
  
---   
  
The young man, the faint fragment of memory...it couldn't be Auron. But the features, though distorted and younger...they were the same.   
  
The long tail of hair bound tightly to the back of the memory's head was the same. The sword, the kimono and wide belt...they, too, were the same.   
  
But the soulful, broken expression, plainly visible in both eyes...   
  
Tidus watched the memory as it played out before the group, keeping his eyes averted from the real incarnation of the man as if peeking was cheating, and he was in the middle of a really big test. He watched his father, he watched Yuna's father, and he watched Auron as their own journey came to an end.   
  
Was it just him, or was the Auron from ten years' past crying? The memory was so faded, he couldn't be sure...   
  
There was a deep, angry growl, and the dark slash of a sword passed by, less than a foot from his face. Auron's face had lost a bit of that composure, leaking through shadows of pain and anger that were terrifyingly uncharacteric -- a hidden darkness that made Tidus almost afraid to see. Something deep and personal had been stolen from Auron, and was now laid bare before the entire group. But the sword wasn't the least bit effective; the memory continued, undaunted.   
  
For a man with so many secrets, Tidus mused, this must be a far deeper wound than normal. But Tidus had a secret of his own -- if the Fayth was speaking truth. Shouldn't it disturb him more, to know his own truth? Truthfully...for now, it mattered little. But he could appreciate another's secrets that much more...   
  
He watched, as a younger Auron pleaded with his father and Yuna's father, to turn back from this fool pilgrimage. He felt the pull of truth in those words, and he saw Rikku's face contort as she heard her own arguments echoed in that passionate pleading.   
  
What made Auron so anxious to bring Yuna here? Was anything but the same fate waiting for her?   
  
//Have you lost hope, Auron?//   
  
There was resignation in the hazy eyes of that memory as he was resigned to the fact that his friends were going to die. And as everyone else watched, transfixed, Tidus laid a comforting hand on Auron's forearm, blue eyes glancing up at the older man's face -- saying _'I don't know everything...but I know pain. I know what it's like.'_   
  
From the other side of those dark glasses, Tidus saw the flicker of emotion pass across Auron's eye, before being buried back beneath the surface. He drew away from Tidus, and resumed his path towards the huge dome looming in the near distance.   
  
---   
  
Those memories kept appearing as they continued towards the center of the Zanarkand ruins -- sometimes, they were people Tidus could recognize, other times they were complete strangers...but the most frequent were the memories of Jecht, Auron, and the summoner Braska. Each time, as Tidus juggled his mind between watching the memories like spheres, and watching Auron's reactions, he felt a little bit more of the man pulling back inside impenetrable barriers, a last attempt to block out the pain of remembrance.   
  
Watching the pyreflies as they hovered in and out of those echoes of life, Tidus finally began to realize the full meaning of this pilgrimage...the full futility of what would soon occur.   
  
In that moment, he hated Auron for so stubbornly insisting on continuing this pointless journey -- for speeding up the time of Yuna's death. A guardian was there to protect life...   
  
But as the flood of memories continued, the pain became more and more visible, eating away at the old guardian's shell until something raw and wounded and desperate peered out through Auron's eyes, taking over the calm man and turning him into a stranger as Tidus watched, helpless.   
  
//What can I do for you? I don't understand...//   
  
Then that desperation turned to fear -- real fear -- and Tidus realized that they were standing before Yunalesca-sama.   
  
Time was up, and he was still as helpless as he'd been since the beginning.   
  
---   
  
Everyone but Auron seemed to crumble as her words echoed through them, filling them with dread and hopelessness, shattering those last frail fragments of hope.   
  
Auron had crumbled ten years ago, in this same hall. Tidus realized that now. How had Auron felt, standing here so long ago, listening to this woman calmly speak of the utter futility of all they'd believed in? How had his father felt?   
  
Probably just the same as he did, now.   
  
She smiled benevolently as she told them to choose who would die with Yuna to bring about another span of false peace, and become the next evil.   
  
Unacceptable.   
  
And there was still one more memory.   
  
Tidus realized that it was as close to a warning as Yunalesca would give them, even as it began to appear. Once again, the young memory of Auron appeared like a character from a sphere, but this time there was no control at all. That passive face had long ago given way to a frightening display of rage and grief and hatred...and they were directed at Yunalesca.   
  
That memory attacked -- a strong, healthy young man lunged for the unsent woman, a raw scream of primal agony wrenching itself from his throat...   
  
And he was blown back with the force of a leaf caught in a raging hurricane, deflected and destroyed by no more effort than the raising of a pale eyebrow. He hadn't even come close.   
  
Tidus's eyes met Auron's over the crumpled body of a memory, and he knew where those scars and those grey hairs had come from. He'd been through all this and survived...   
  
Tidus glanced at the crumpled body of the memory-Auron. //No. Not survived. No one, not even he, could survive that.//   
  
A piece of the puzzle clicked together, and suddenly a great many things about the man made perfect sense...   
  
But there was no time to think of those things. They'd defied Yunalesca-sama's solution to Sin, and now she wished to free them of their suffering.   
  
---   
  
Tidus slumped as he desperately clung to the hilt of his sword, his breath coming in heavy, painful gasps. Before him, the unsent body of Yunalesca-sama was already beginning to fade away.   
  
But still...she kept talking, kept going, even though her voice was nothing more than a whisper, and Tidus couldn't find the sense in any of it. She said that all hope was now gone...   
  
He found it mildly ironic that Auron had struck the 'killing' blow. Even with his vision clouded by the dark magic of her spells, Auron's sword had struck home, piercing her no-longer-human body and rending it a broken thing.   
  
Even though Tidus knew the effects of the spell would wear off shortly, he stayed close to the older guardian, glancing worriedly at where the scarlet robe had been torn badly, hanging off the man's shoulder in tatters. A set of nasty-looking claw marks ran across Auron's arm, and blood had soaked completely through his sleeve during the course of the fight.   
  
Yuna's face was worried when she approached them, but Tidus shook his head. "He's strong...he'll be okay," Tidus reassured her. "Go take care of Rikku, okay? We'll be out, soon."   
  
The summoner girl's eyes were full of guilt -- partly for dragging her friends into this fight, no matter that they were her guardians; and partly because she'd helped destroy the only known way to defeat Sin...even if it was only for a short time.   
  
Tidus smiled at her, and watched her go towards the frail-looking Al Bhed girl. Rikku had taken a few more hits than the others, but she wasn't in too bad of shape, especially considering what they were up against. As Wakka picked her up, she gave Tidus a tired-looking smile, flashing a sign of victory. He nodded back to her.   
  
In a way, it was their own personal victory. Yuna was still alive.   
  
A quick, held-back cough brought Tidus's attention back to the man he knelt beside. Auron's glasses lay to one side of him, cracked and useless...but the man's eye was unfocused anyway. Yunalesca's spell was still in effect.   
  
"Damn," Tidus muttered softly. Auron turned his head towards the sound of his voice.   
  
"You say something?"   
  
"Not really. How you feeling, old man?" Tidus reached into one of the pouches belted to his waist, drawing a roll of gauze and one of Rikku's little miracle potions -- he had no idea whether or not the claws had been poisoned, and he didn't want to take any chances.   
  
Auron didn't answer. He leaned back against a large piece of rubble, and closed his sightless eye.   
  
"The spell should wear off soon," Tidus continued mildly, sitting down on Auron's left to tend to his wounded arm. "And Cid should be here in a little while. We'll have to see what happens from there. You should probably go easy on your arm a while...these are pretty deep. Nothing a few stitches won't take care of, though, as soon as we get you some decent attention. I'm not much of a doctor."   
  
Auron listened to Tidus's random comments, his resolve hardening with each line. Like Tidus had said earlier in the temple...he deserved the truth. No matter what it might take to say it.   
  
"It'd be best to wait here for a while, to let that potion take effect."   
  
Auron began to stand.   
  
"Hey, hold on," Tidus protested. "Just hold on a minute!"   
  
"I'm not going anywhere."   
  
Tidus scratched his head. "Okay."   
  
"I need to talk to you."   
  
Tidus glanced towards Auron, suddenly feeling dread. The way that Auron had said that...it reminded Tidus of the way Seymour had so easily dismissed their lives in Bevelle. "M-me?"   
  
Auron didn't face Tidus. He was turned to the side, somber, and it looked like he was in a lot of pain.   
  
"I am...unsent, as well."   
  
//I figured as much, old man. What, with the way you shied away from the farplane like it was a plague...and what Seymour said to you...and that battle we saw with Yunalesca-sama...//   
  
"I know. It was Yunalesca-sama, ne?"   
  
Auron nodded, and finally turned to Tidus. "I have something to show to you."   
  
The pyreflies congregated around the man as he began to open up at last, one hand out to Tidus, peeling back layers and layers of defense to show Tidus his most personal memories of the past.   
  
In awe, Tidus took it; his grip faltered but was easily caught in the forceful closing of Auron's larger hand. It was like a jolt of electricity -- Tidus opened his eyes enough to see that something inside Auron was glowing with the strength of a tiny sun -- and suddenly, his mind was no longer his own.   
  
"Please...don't...there has to be another way..." His voice, his sight was Auron's. Before him stood Braska and his father, and he felt nothing but hopelessness. Braska looked sad, but he was smiling -- and Jecht had a look of resignation and sadness on his face that Tidus would never have believed until that moment.   
  
"It's okay, Auron...I'll do it," Jecht said. "I know I'll never see my family or my Zanarkand again..."   
  
"You don't have to do this!" His voice, Auron's voice pleaded. "There are infinite possibilities! You don't have to do this...please..."   
  
Jecht smiled and looked to Braska, who stood by patiently. Waiting. He'd said his goodbyes...but what could prepare one for such a thing? What would one say, that they would be ready to turn away forever, into the arms of death? There would be no replays...just...nothingness.   
  
"You've got time to figure out a better way to defeat Sin for real, then."   
  
"Jecht..."   
  
"Auron?" The blitzball star looked uncomfortable and unsure...and there was something about the way he looked that made Tidus feel he was just a little more human. Not the boogey man who hurt his mom so badly. Not the drunk father who constantly ridiculed him, chasing him into nightmares with a scornful word. Human. A father, a man who would sacrifice himself for the greater good of a world he didn't even belong to.   
  
Awkwardly, Jecht drew Auron into a hug. From Tidus's perspective...it was the closest he could remember being to his father. He'd never been held like this. The strong arms that embraced him were comforting, and vaguely he wondered who this man was.   
  
He felt the tingling rake of stubble against his cheek as Jecht spoke. "Find my son...in my Zanarkand. He needs someone to hold his hand while he cries..."   
  
Even hearing it from this close, those words didn't hurt Tidus anymore. No matter what his father had seen...he wasn't that child anymore. He'd felt that sense of approval the last time he'd come into contact with Sin, back at that massacre.   
  
Only memories. They were only memories.   
  
"You were such a stiff, Auron," Jecht's voice was amused, "but I think that's what I liked about you." Tidus felt his throat contracting painfully...but it wasn't him on the verge of tears. The memory was still that sharp...and still that painful.   
  
Jecht turned to Braska, and together they descended the stairway that led to the final hall.   
  
And the memory dissolved, seperating Tidus and Auron from their strange collective consciousness.   
  
Exhausted, Auron swayed unsteadily on the verge of collapse. But Tidus was there, one arm around Auron's waist, supporting him with all the strength he could muster. Gently, he helped Auron back to the floor. He stared into Auron's unseeing face for minutes, before finally scooting closer, laying his head against Auron's chest.   
  
"What are you doing?" Auron asked, unsteadily.   
  
Tidus raised a hand, turning his head so that his ear was directly over the man's heart. He took a deep breath and smiled, listening to the rhythmic sound of Auron's heartbeat. He found it strange that the dead man should have a pulse at all, and in quiet wonder he touched the side of Auron's face, feeling fevered, time-roughened flesh there, prickly with three-days' worth of stubble.   
  
"Amazing," Tidus whispered softly. "What makes you go on like this?"   
  
Auron took a deep breath, and Tidus's head followed the rise and fall of the older man's chest. "A promise."   
  
Tidus closed his eyes, and focused completely on the beating of Auron's heart. "What makes it beat...?"   
  
There was a moment's hesitation before an answer so soft, Tidus had to strain to hear it.   
  
"You."   
  
Silence stretched out between them as Tidus listened to that word, over and over again in his mind. Somehow, it was /him/ that animated this man...he felt almost guilty for keeping his own secret inside. But it really didn't matter. He nestled up against Auron, spreading his arms as if to cradle him in his arms, and Auron didn't resist.   
  
Even blinded and hurt and like this...he was still Tidus's strength.   
  
"Our stories...they will end together," Auron whispered calmly...and Tidus realized he held no secrets at all.   
  
But he didn't mind. He drew Auron against him more securely, and laid his chin on Auron's shoulder. "Then. let's just stay here a while, ne..?"   
  
"Mm."   
  
--- owari ---   
  
AN: Was it any good? I know, some of that stuff was pretty damn gratuitous and a bit far from what was *in-game*...don't kill me, ne? I don't think it turned out /too/ badly...but then again, I was writing this. *eheh* Isn't that last part cute? I had that little scene in my head for about a week, now...x_x Along with another scene best left unnamed at this point. ^^:;   
  
I really hope that everyone liked this. I think I'll add another part...maybe the end of the game...which I should prolly stop dicking around and getting to. x_x Fooking lightning dodging...and damn those stupid butterflies. (Not like my Kimahri's worth the work for, anyway. -_-;; he's my worst character)   
  
Meh. How did I do? I think it'll probably get revised once I get some sleep and look at it again, but I think I just wanted something out before I went sleepies. e.e;;   
  
  
  
miri-chan 


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